See ya, Wouldn't want to be ya!

This is an incredibly long post. It borders on autobiography. But it is a great way for me to collect my thoughts and avoid doing all the chores I need to do before the moving van comes on Monday. So bear with me while I ramble on. ....

I have lived in several places in my life. When I make a list, I seem somewhat nomadic, but I don't think so. Of course I spent the first 22 years of my life in South Charleston, WV. Now this figure includes 4 1/2 years in Morgantown. I have never really left a place without a twinge of regret except maybe Columbia, SC. That all changes on Wednesday of next week. I have no regrets for leaving Atlanta.

In 1986, the unemployment rate in WV was in double digits. After graduation, I became a licensed life insurance salesman for The Equitable. Selling life insurance on commission only was tough in such a depressed economy. I was going broke and people would avoid me, knowing that I might try to pre-qualify them as a potential client. I was miserable and I searched everyday for another job. My girlfriend was up in Morgantown going to graduate school and the only job I found was selling Skyliners and Three ways at Skyline Chili. Before I get too far off track, let me just say that Skyline Chili is the worst tasting chili of all time. I don't know how they stayed in business. Well, they didn't in Charleston, WV. Anyway, I knew I was going to snap when a lady had a special order. For all my effort, the lady tipped me a quarter. Yes, she gave me a quarter. With one fell swoop, I knocked that quarter out into the hallway of the Town Center Mall. It rolled across the floor and into the hostess stand at Bennigans. I had another job interview anyway and because it was my third interview with the same company, I thought for sure that the job was mine.

When I met with the HR dude, he showed me a stack of 37 resumes. He told me that I had come in second place. Do what now? Is that supposed to make me feel better? Don't call us, we'll call you. I went home and me and my dog Barney started packing our bags. I'm moving to Charlotte. It was very hard to leave and I probably wouldn't have done it except for the fact that my girlfriend promised to join me when she graduated.

Charlotte was shiny and new and I was an internal auditor. After four years, one of our competitors came calling and offered me a job in Columbia, SC. I took the job and the company car and learned my way around. Thirteen months later, I gave them back their car and took my old job back in Charlotte. However, the company had changed. My new boss, also from WV, was an asshole. After nine years in Charlotte/Columbia, I started looking for greener pastures. I moved to the Raleigh area and stayed at my mom's house while I looked for a new job.

Raleigh was a good fit for me. I met a little girl with a kitten named Gizmo. I changed her name from Teresa to Shug and Gizmo became Psycho Kitty. We all became a family in 2003. We got a cute little place in Wake Forest where Psyches was free to torture the neighborhood. Shug wanted another kitty, but I feared for its safety. Why? Because when I brought home that Snoopy doll wearing a Santa hat, Psycho Kitty beat the ever loving shit out of him. I honestly don't know whether Psyches ever figured out that Snoopy was a doll made out of fluff and stuff. But I had never seen a triple jab, roundhouse sucker punch in less than two seconds. Psyches made Mike Tyson look like a boxer in slow motion. Snoopy sat under the Christmas tree beside the Nutcracker, but you could tell he was uneasy every time Psyches walked by. But we got the kitty anyway and just called her little kitty. On her first visit to the vet, they needed to know her name. However, we had never really decided on one, so I stood there for a minute and pondered. After a few uncomfortable moments, I told them her name was Emily Dickinson.

Shug finished grad school with honors and passed the CPA exam on the first try. She went straight to PriceWaterhouse Coopers. But she literally worked about 70 hours a week, no joke. And here I thought being a restaurant manager sucked, but this was ridiculous. When the recruiters got a hold of her, the job offers were staggering. One in particular was really tempting, but it was in Huntsville, Alabama. We talked about it for a long time and decided it was too good to pass up. I left North Carolina after 18 years kicking and screaming like a toddler. I hated Alabama with a chip on my shoulder and Psycho Kitty lived the rest of his life under protest.

In retrospect, Alabama was not bad at all. Yeah, I had to make all new friends and I hated being a restaurant manager. All I ever wanted to do was be a golf pro. Shug traveled the world at her new job. For a girl that had never been outside of North America, she visited 10 countries in Europe and Asia in a short period of time. However, after only 18 months, her company went from public to private and there was a high possibility that her job would be phased out. ING wanted her badly, but they were located in Atlanta. I started packing my bags that very day, but Shug left Alabama kicking and screaming like a toddler. She hated living in Atlanta with a chip on her shoulder. Sounds familiar, huh?

Shug got promoted three times in two years and I found my dream job. Although it took me two years to get certified, I was now a golf pro. All I can say about that is be careful what you wish for. The grass is seldom greener on the other side. Atlanta has many pros but also has many cons. In fact, the cons heavily outweighed the pros in our opinion.

The turning point for me happened only six months after moving to Atlanta. I was sitting in traffic in my wife's nearly paid for convertible when a hit and run driver plowed into the back of me. He slammed me into the van in front of me and totaled the car. I was able to get his license plate number, but he was long gone before Atlanta's finest showed up at the scene. The Atlanta Police Dept. has their very own hit and run division. It is run by the dumbest, most inept Keystone cops I ever saw. It took them six weeks to investigate the accident. When I raised my voice in protest, they told me that they had over 4000 cases per year. I was nobody special to them and I would just have to wait my turn. By the time they inspected the suspect, his truck showed no damage, so they closed the case. Like Ramses, my heart grew harder and my lofty disdain was set on a path that would someday lead me to the promised land.

The drought brought heavy water restrictions and the poor economy was extremely harsh in Atlanta. Shug hated her job. She hated her idiot boss. She hated his idiot boss too. She hated 9 out of 10 of her co-workers and subordinates. It got so bad, that she used to cry every morning before leaving for work. Because of the poor economy, the golf industry took a beating. People had to decide between golfing or groceries. As a result, my employers turned up the heat on us salaried employees. Everything here was a hassle. Going to a Braves game was a hassle. No, I don't have any spare change and I don't want to buy your fake Gucci bag. Going to a concert was a hassle. Traffic was a hassle. Every day was like taking your life in your own hands and hoping you could make it through the day. There were only two things that kept us here. One was that we bought an awesome house on Lake Acworth and the other was the poor economy. Better jobs were nil and we both felt stuck where we were.

Shug was ready to quit her job and do anything but what she was doing. She would wait tables, mix paint at Home Depot or pick up aluminum cans along the interstate. Then one day out of the blue, a big time recruiter got a glimpse of her resume. He called her and said he had good and bad news. The good news is that he found a perfect job for her. The bad news is that the job was in Birmingham, Alabama. Shug and I looked at each other with that mind meld thing we have. I winked and she smiled. She went to the interview to be a manager, but they liked her so much, they made her a Vice President. When Shug gave her notice at ING, they went into a frenzy. Who was going to babysit her idiot boss? Who was going to make the trains run on time. One week after she left, ING divested. They are selling the insurance side and keeping the bank. Her idiot boss and his idiot boss will probably be out of a job within a year.

Shug loves her new job. Its not about the money though. Its about the attitude, the respect and the feeling of satisfaction at the end of each day. People in Birmingham will stop and say Hello or Welcome. Most people in Atlanta would do neither. Birmingham is slower paced and quite mountainous. It reminds me of my home town. Atlanta reminds me of what it must be like to live in prison. We already have more friends in Birmingham than we did in four years of Atlanta, and I haven't even moved there yet. But that all changes on Wednesday.

I will miss the few friends I have here in Atlanta, especially the WVU Peach State Alumni crowd. But when the moving van leaves my driveway, I'm not looking back. We closed on our new house a few days ago. I don't regret moving to Atlanta, but I can honestly say I won't miss it. All of the Georgia Bulldog fans (especially the ones that never matriculated), the City government employees, the Cobb Co. police and the aggressive drivers can kiss my ass. I'm taking my ball and I'm going home. See ya, wouldn't want to be ya!